A Koala in Pilgrimage

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Home Archive for 2016
Two days ago I had a chance to be volunteering in an event where I had to tell fairy-tales to children in an elementary school. The objective was to educate children nine values to be highly upheld, and my group got three values to be focused on: bravery (keberanian), awareness (kepedulian) and responsibility (tanggung jawab). Through fairy-tales, the community hopes that the learning will be a lot more fun and enjoyable but educating at the same time.

 Telling these children in 4th grader turned out to be an uneasy action. Delivering a fairy-tale to subtly telling them that one must be brave, aware and responsible at the same time needed a big understanding, and I myself needed to be aware toward their responds. If they are playing with their pens, or drawing robots on their notebooks, or making bubbles out of their saliva, that means I failed.

At the last session we had a sharing session where we can talk and discuss many things freely and they have chances to share their stories and ideas. It was fun, yet challenging at the same time. They shared their fears and we discussed how to overcome it. We advised them to be always aware of their surroundings, especially to their friends and try to be always available to offer help to their friends who are in need.  We told them that when they are given tasks it means people trust them so don't try to break those trust. 

And in the middle of session, all of these hit me to the core and brought me to a realization: Have I applied these values in my life? Am I myself capable enough to uphold those values?

Am I brave enough? Have I found ways to overcome the fears overwhelming me? In fact, can I? Or do I too weak to confess what kind of things scare me in this life?

Am I aware enough? Have I been aware to my surrounding and understand people's circumstances? Am I capable to help people around me who needed me? Or probably it is not about my capability, but have I been compassionate enough to offer them help without them asking for it? 
Have I paid attention to people's reactions and feelings toward my words? Have I done actions to prevent myself to hurt other people?

Am I reliable enough? Have I always been responsible for everything I have to do? Have I ever disappoint people who trust me? Do I always done everything well? 

These questions started to haunt my mind since that session. 

These children saw me as a holy sister who is very wise and kind, and saw me as their role model. In fact, I was the one who was not reliable enough that I broke their trust as someone who is not even near to be perfect to be their role model. I was the one who was not aware enough to see how much my presence could be a bright star and inspiration for them. And I was the one who was not brave enough to admit that I felt so bad about this. 

It turned out, I did not teach anyone; instead, I taught my own self three things:
I have to be brave, I have to be aware, and I have to be liable. 

Am I capable? We'll see.
Ok, this is awkward.

I know in almost every post I often wrote "It's been a long time!" because yea, each post was made in a quite long interval of time. 

Since my latest post, which was made in July 26, 2015 (almost a year ago!); many things happened. I've got to face some phases of my life I have never expected to get through. I have met many people, I have made many moments, I have created some achievements, I have learnt new lessons, but most importantly: I have explored myself. Not entirely, but the process has been quite fruitful.

I am deeply grateful to God for what have happened in this very short time --a year. I can say in a very high certainty that me two years ago (10th grade) had been quite stagnant, but a year after, a bright start came ahead of me and since then many surprises started to come up and pulled me hard to the better version of myself. Everything went so fast it amazed me.

As time goes by I finally find more hints, unlocked many doors and overcome obstacles in a very adventurous yet worthwhile journey with one aim: to find myself. I foresee that this never-ending game can be so exhausting at some points, but as for now, I truly enjoy whatever it offers.

It is two hours to go to my birthday, and I am currently doing a flash-flashback to where have I been on my own life. From the bottom of my heart, I hope I can celebrate more birthdays in the future with happiness, and most importantly, contentment of everything I have achieved in that time.
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About Me

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A bookworm, a craver of warmth. A dreamer, a (little bit) chaser. Above all, a sleep lover.

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