Watch Your Mouth!
Spending most of my time being
unproductive by staring at ask.fm timeline finally gives its privilege.
Some people I follow talked about this video, and
triggered by my curiosity, I clicked the link:
It is clear that
most girls all over the world are having quite hard time to deal with society
regarding to their appearance. We’re all living in the society where there is
standard to consider beauty (the existence itself cringe me, like, how dare we
human to make standards of ‘appropriate’ appearance when all of us are born
equally?), and there are certain consequences for not fulfilling it: get
bullied, insulted, and neglected.
Since I have never
paid much attention to make-ups, I didn’t see how it is able to bring such
difference to someone (for this case, girls). I thought the function is only to
make you a bit prettier by giving some more shades and colors to particular
parts of your face –apparently it is much more than that. It totally changes
your look! In higher levels of make-up, you are able to express yourself and
change your look to what you want people to see.
And there should be
nothing wrong about it.
Some people insult a
girl with make-up saying she’s fake, too much, liar.
But when she doesn’t
use any, people call her gross, disgusting, yucky, and foul, for showing her
pale skin and acne.
What the fuck is
wrong by trying to cover up flaws and boost our confidence for that?
Every person was
born with flaws. Some are capable to deal with it, some other are not and get
depressed with it. Every person has their own insecurities regarding to their
body, whether it is inborn or made by something inevitable (like allergic,
disease, or accident). Conquering insecurities is a big deal. Insecurities born
if one isn’t confident about his/her own self. Being that said, insecurities
comes from within, it is the lack of self value. With the circumstance of
society nowadays, it is quite hard for some people to feel okay about
themselves. Not all people are blessed enough to have physical appearance that
is fit to the standard of society of the ‘beauty’ or to –at least, get rid of
their flaws (take notes that curing chronic acne in beauty clinics IS NOT
cheap).
Speaking of
insecurities, I too, have my own story.
Perceived by my
surrounding as someone who is easy-going, loud, talkative, fierce, tough (or even
hostile, sometimes by certain people) indirectly constructs a supposition of my
character that is not actually true: confident. People somehow assume I am
pretty okay with how I look like in the eyes of society.
The thing is, I am not,
and being insecure about my own self is devastating and I have yet to find way
to get this feeling out of my mind.
Since I was a kid,
about ten years ago when I was started to understand what are people talking
about, it was (well, –has been) common in my big family to joke around and that
time, I happened to be one of the objects. I was (--have been) always compared
to my younger sister who was destined to born with prettier face than me.
Seeing all people laugh made me forced myself to laugh with them together and so
they assume ‘no one gets hurt’. In fact, I did. Did I cry? No, it was stupid to
cry because what would happen was so predictable: I would be insulted MORE.
What can I do to make them stop? Nothing. Even though I was smart, yes, the
entire of my big family acknowledged it and of course it gave me a lot favors.
Got some gifts, prices, cashes, and at least compliments –but there’s no way
out of the insult I got for not being as pretty as my sister.
Even an aunt once said, “The
only good thing about your face is you are fair skinned, the rest are so-so,
hahaha” (“Mukamu kan cuma menang
putih, sisanya biasa-biasa aja, hahaha”) And the words remain still in my
head, refusing to leave.
In front of my family, I act like I am the most
confident bitch alive: Saying I feel I am pretty, I feel I am gorgeous, when in
fact, it was me pretending to be strong. Up until now, no one knows how each of
the words they spit to insult me was lingering in my mind and how it feels like
knifes to my heart.
There wasn’t actually something really wrong with my
face, only my nose is not sharp. I was skinny, fair skinned, my skin was
smooth, no acne or pores, I have black shining hair, but my face can’t be
considered as beautiful –it’s just ordinary. Super ordinary. Not the kind of
girl whose presence will stun everybody around.
As the idea of “I am not beautiful” and all the
insecurities overwhelmed my mind, I started to refuse when someone compliment
me, saying I’m beautiful. My heart was like, dude, you kid me? I know how ugly
I look like, and you, stupid liar, should stop making up thing that doesn’t
exist.
However, thanks to my family that those experience
taught me to not being too sensitive (people nowadays are easily offended, aren't they?). After all, I gradually getting used to
their jokes and as the time goes, I learnt to close my ears and just laugh. Sure
it wasn’t an easy endeavor.
[My family is the best, nevertheless. Beside joking about physical appearance, the rest are wicked and having a quality time with them without getting your stomach hurt for too much laugh is impossible. It just, the joke they made for me were started too early, when I was too much younger. I guess.]
[My family is the best, nevertheless. Beside joking about physical appearance, the rest are wicked and having a quality time with them without getting your stomach hurt for too much laugh is impossible. It just, the joke they made for me were started too early, when I was too much younger. I guess.]
Once I got to the fourth grade of elementary school,
my circle changed and I was close to famous girls in the school. I was one of
them, though, I shined because of my achievements and how I could easily socialize
with kids, not my face. I was overshadowed, and no boys really looked at me
(some did though, Alhamdulillah).
I didn’t like to be photographed as much as the
girls, because I was afraid I would be ashamed when my face in the picture
turned out to be ugly. (Except selfies because I know how my face would be in
the picture, but back then, phone with front camera was quite expensive and I
couldn’t afford it)
And then I got to junior high school where everything
got worse (nah, not really): ALL THE GIRLS WERE GODDESSES. Damn, I won’t get
highlight here, I thought, and it turned out to be true. (However, I did experience
some lovey-dovey story during junior high school; again, Alhamdulillah my face
is a little bit qualified to be loved). On my last year in 8th
grade, after a long vacation to Jogjakarta, the worst nightmare ever exist hit
me: I was getting fat. A LOT. A LOT…
My legs are big, I have wide
calves and ankles. To make it worse, I am short. Great.
And oh, of course by that I was
insulted by my family because my younger sister was tall as her height was the
same as mine.
Despite the fact that I am
getting a bit skinnier during my first year of high school, I still dislike my
body. I missed my skinny body. Again, to make it worse, two huge dark eye-bags
hanging under my eyes and it seem awful (but I’m currently learning to love it
because in some cases it looks sexy!) (nah, no. It was just me trying to love
myself.)
Throwing back at my photos when
I was younger, I wasn’t actually that
ugly. I hate myself for not believing how pretty I was back then! Seriously, me
when I was younger is quite beautiful, and if allowed, I really want that face
my entire life. Who cares if I wasn’t as beautiful as the other girls? If I realized
back then how I should be grateful on the appearance God has gifted, I would be
pretty confident.
Up until now, the insecurities remain still in my mind in different form. My current body is the most thing I’m not satisfied: wrinkles, dark spots, acne, cellulite, pores, hair loss, and fat. See? My body is a whole pack of flaws. Not everyone knows I actually put much attention to these (they think I am the kind of girl who’s not giving sufficient attention to appearance and how people see myself)
People will judge anyway and that’s life. I learnt
that insecurities come from within, and I learnt that it could be a big deal to
make fun of one’s flaw. I admit that I am such a huge douchebag: I like to tease
who’s close to me regarding to their flaws. But realizing that even closest
people can hurt you like I experienced, I aware that start from now, I need to control
myself to don’t make fun of someone.
You, too.
Yes people are all
free to speak out our opinions loud, including those who offend girls with
make-up by saying they are fake and too much. Not to say the chance of us,
girls, to be insulted by our natural face is also as big as when we wear
make-up. They’ll say our bare face is ugly, gross, pale, zombie like, yadda
yadda yadda. Even though make-up is not only the issue, but it is the easiest
to draw the simpler circumstance on how we live in society where everything we
have done will be judged.
It is entirely not one’s fault
to not being flawless.
Please acknowledge that human comes with flaws sticking on them. Please ponder that none of human ever exist can choose the way they were born. Please aware that you can hurt people with the blunt comments you give. Please understand that deep inside, everyone desire to be liked.
image credit: favim.com
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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